A Tried and True Grounding Technique

For Those of Us Who Panic or Get Overwhelmed Easily

Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

Well, I feel like I’m losing my mind today (not a terribly unusual occurrence).

I’ve been complaining to my psychiatrist and my therapist that I get so overwhelmed some days that I become paralyzed. The paralyzed feeling then seems to overpower me even more, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get anything done. That fact that it feels like a million things need to be done immobilizes me even further.

It’s akin to what I feel when I am in a crisis. Fight, flight or freeze is the typical response from people, and freezing/being useless tends to be my unconscious and unwilling choice.

At the point of freezing or being paralyzed, my anxiety ratchets through the roof. Like a siren that drowns everything else out. I don’t go into a full-blown panic attack, but the mental anguish and the physical discomfort stay with me for hours. It is immensely frustrating.

DUMB REALIZATION (because for whatever reason, I often lose sight of reality)

As I was writing a letter this morning, it occurred to me that the reason why I am probably overwhelmed/hamstrung/anxious and feel like I’m losing my mind/having a heart attack is this:

My life is insane.

Since January, I’ve finalized a divorce, published a book, tried (and failed) to start a business, upkept a blog/newsletter on SubStack, job hunted (including over a hundred applications and a dozen interviews), searched for a new place to live (replete with deposits and uncertain move-in dates), ended a relationship, traveled multiple times and visited with a whole host of people I love, and begun furnishing an apartment via Facebook Marketplace, Wayfair ads, and Amazon deals.

On top of this, I am trying to take care of my mental health by seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist regularly, attending support groups, and mindfully trying to apply all the things I’ve learned (like showing myself grace). Physically, my pain levels have shot through the roof the past month and a half too, and I am in denial about three surgeries I am most likely going to have to have in the near future (rib, shoulder, and knee).

“You need a vacation,” someone said. I couldn’t stop laughing when I responded with, “Well, I booked one to Africa for October/November 2025 to celebrate my big 4-0 birthday and the fact that I am alive after last year!” But that, too, has come with its own stresses of flights, insurance, immunizations, and visas. And now, I am having to change plans, beg for reimbursements, and deal with cost penalties because realistically, no company I’m going to be working for will allow me to traipse across the world for an entire month.

No wonder I’m going crazy.

TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE

There are some things out of my control… like apartment units becoming available, a California law firm offering me a position after weeks of negotiations, and body parts slipping in and out of their God-ordained places.

I am trying to radically accept these things and not allow them to take over my life.

But, there are some things that I CAN affect too. I recognize I need to stop trying to do so damn much. I always run on a “seize-the-day/ don’t-waste-any-moments” mentality, but it doesn’t leave much room for rest. And rushing things never makes them better. And doing too many things and being spread too thin doesn’t allow me to produce quality over quantity.

Sigh. Living within my limitations is really, really hard. There is so much I want to do and so little time!

Two things I AM going to try do today as soon as I finish writing this blog and before I do anything else:

1. Make a list of priorities. Focus on one project instead of many. Cut my losses where I have to. Go back to the basics. Probably ask for help/feedback from my therapist.

2. Use the grounding technique my therapist has given me for homework, which I am adding here for your benefit as well as mine.

What are some things that you need to pare down in your life as well? Remind me I’m not alone in this!!

Grounding Technique

Or in this case, a whole grounding experience!

GATHER THE FOLLOWING ITEMS:

• one item for sight (a picture of a landscape or cityscape is best, NOT a picture of people or an animal). I’ve found a picture of the mountains in Macedonia where I used to live that works.

• one item for smell (I’m using wax cubes you put in warmers to melt)

• one item for touch (I’ve used a stress ball and a squishmallow and a worry stone)

• one item for taste (a Werther original hard candy for me, though something soft and chewy would probably be safer), and

• one item for sound (like a song through a headset or airpods). If you use a song (or multiple songs) for sound, choose songs that ideally do not have words (just instrumental) that are upbeat, but not too overstimulating...i.e., no ACDC or Heavy Metal. For me, listening to the sound of waves on a beach is my go-to.

• Additionally, two types of ice packs, one for the back of your neck and one for the bottoms of your feet, as well as some gloves or mittens you’ve kept in the refrigerator (to keep on your hands when you are doing the grounding). Maybe a hand towel as well.

  You should have a positive association with each of these items.

PROCESS:

• To begin the process, lie on a flat surface. Do not cross your legs.

• Place the ice packs on the back of your neck and feet (use a hand towel as a buffer to keep them from getting too cold if necessary).

• Pick one of your sensory items. Take the item, close your eyes and "experience" the item, trying to call to mind any positive attachments you have to that item.

• When you've had a minute to focus, place the (cold) gloves/mittens on your hands, cross your arms (keeping your hands stiff like a paddle) and begin slowly tapping your forearms like a metronome (this is something we do in EMDR as well). Just remember to keep the tapping speed slow and tap for approximately 10-12 seconds while focusing on any positive associations you have with the sensory item.

• After 10-12 seconds, stop tapping...take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it to the count of 3 and then release it through your mouth.

• Repeat the above process with each of the remaining sensory items for as long as you need to calm down.

NOTES:

• You can also experiment with different sensory items to see which ones seem to bring down your internal levels of disturbance.

• It may be helpful to record your internal level of disturbance on a scale of 0=no disturbance and 10=significant disturbance before you begin and then once you've grounded with all 5 of your sensory items. You can even try to make it fun by seeing how low you can get your internal level of disturbance when you ground.

• You can listen to as many songs as you want while using the ice and slow tapping. After each song, take a deep breath in through your nose, hold to the count of 3 and release through your mouth.

• Ideally, you can do this right before going to bed, and as many times during the day as needed.

Hope this helps you too. Keep on keeping on, friends!